bal·ance

/ˈbaləns/

I believe there is a hero ethos in all women — mothers specifically. The characteristic spirit of love, nurturing and resilience is manifested in our hopes, dreams and beliefs for ourselves and our families. Our ideology is simple.  We want to save everyone. We aim to be everything to everyone. Life becomes… a juggling act, if you will. But are you being everything you need to be for yourself?

Self-care is a common theme now and the rediscovery of “self” after children is necessary. Moms are out here with empty cups still pouring — out here falling to the bottom of the totem pole. All with good intentions, but remember, you are your life’s work. In a life full of servicing, we have to serve ourselves as well. 

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I read an article featuring writer, producer and director Lena Waithe, who I admire so much; not only for her talents and work in the industry, but also mentoring those who have dreams of writing and working in television and film. In an article published back in February on Lez Spread The Word, when asked about her mentees and what they mean to her,  this line stuck with me to this day, “I don’t ever want someone not to reach their full potential. I don’t ever want someone to go to their grave with a dream deferred.” That was so powerful to me. I encourage you ladies, as you raise your families or work toward that next promotion or opportunity, please don’t forget to work for yourself. No one should go to their grave with a dream deferred. Let’s live up to our full potential! 

That being said, where do we find the balance? Here’s how I attempt to juggle. The first thing about balancing this life thing for me is eliminating the desire for balance all together! I legitimately believe that persons, things, tasks, etc. can’t be balanced — evenly at least. I would obsess over this need to have a somewhat palpable equilibrium in my life and the more I obsessed over it, the more crazy and disorganized I became. I was dishing out a bunch of “half-assness” to various areas of my life. That’s when I decided that I needed to do a few things:

  1. Breath! Anxiety and that feeling of “drowning” in your own list of “to-dos” can be a mutha and I really had to take the time to stop, breath (literally), and then gather my thoughts. Pray, meditate, detox, cry, b*tch, moan, release… gather yourself for a fresh start!

  2. Rank System Priorities! Priorities! What matters to you the most? What are your daily short term goals? Weekly? Monthly? This is SUPER important. Classifying tasks will aid in devising a game plan. Game plan will allow you to tackle each task efficaciously.

  3. Can It Wait? This one was tricky for me. Putting things on the waitlist was like a gateway drug to my issue with procrastination. Some things can take a back seat to others. I learned the hard way though, that my spouse doesn’t take kindly to “back seating”. My mindset of “Oh he will understand…” was a negative. Another blog post worthy topic but let’s say bae needs his time carved out uninterrupted.   

  4. Lean on me! Think about this… Has someone ever asked you how you’re doing and the first thing to roll off your tongue is “Fine!” or “I’m good!” Meanwhile, things are falling apart and you could legit use a hand?!  Ask for help and relinquish that task to a trusted individual. Many of us just don’t know how to ask for help or when to accept it. 

  5. Trust your tribe! When my balancing scales tip, I can always count on or call on family. I’m beyond thankful for my tribe-- hubby, mom, dad, sister, brother, grandma, aunts, uncles, in-laws, and a tight handful of invested friends/godparents. Sometimes your tribe is non-related like-minded individuals who simply share similar ideologies on life, family, child rearing and interests. Keep them close and reciprocate as much as possible.

Ultimately, remember you. You matter. You are important. You are the nucleus. And when you need to, let them scales tip boo boo! Then start fresh! It’s ok sis… promise!

With Love,

Khadeen

Kick it with Kay! How do you juggle and balance? Any tips that make you more effective day to day? Drop some gems below ‘cuz ya girl could always use some advice!

Khadeen Ellis43 Comments